I was Born Perfect

Its hard to look away and hope that #FGM will not be a topic of discussion on literally every TV station and radio station. The outcry on social media is immense, how I wish this is an everyday agenda and everyday talk. What is very Kenyan is we literally run short races with issues and soon we will run out of breath. Then we will be falling on the roadside and forgetting we even ever talk about it. The issue will be packed until next time when there is another big story on #FGM. I wish we can run the full race, how I wish we can  run a marathon as we are know with our Kenyan runners.

Dr. Kamau who petitioned against the FGM law is now literally being torn apart and every one is mad at her. 26 years of practice as a medical doctor and only this week she felt it right to come out in the open. We need to dig deeper, why now and what made her think in this manner. Instead of listening to her we are out-rightly condemning her. Not that I am being a devils advocate here but part of me feels like getting into her head to find out her reasons.

Now back home where I come from #Marsabit #FGM is happening day and night. The rest of Northern Kenya it is literally an every day practice. A friend told me some political leaders even fund the cut. Before you start screaming at me for saying it as it is please hear me out. It is a taboo to even talk about FGM until recently, we call it Qaban Qaba...which translates (Holding down or pinning down) You are literally held down by a strong woman and I bet that is where the name came from in my community. It is sacred and not a discussion you can have openly, to date many feel uncomfortable with the mention of the cut. When It happened to me I was held down by my own mum, I have nothing against my ayyo. I love her to the moon and back. She did what she thought was the best for her daughter like many other mother's in Marsabit. She removed a part of me that was considered dirty and will make me a woman will loose morals if I grew up with it. I sat down with Ayyo and the conversation we had was not why she did it to me but to understand her point of view and this is what informed my campaign on #BreakingtheSilence on FGM, early marriage and Beading. My mum has never gone to a school and many will consider her illiterate but she is the most knowledgeable person. She raised me and my other siblings with tough love there was no room for mistakes. One commits a mistake then all are punished....that's a story for another day. Why I mentioned my mum here is because of how I was raised not as a girl but an equal with my brother. All chores were shared equally including cooking, cleaning, washing cloths and utensils. We had shifts and it is here I learnt there is no difference between me and my brothers. I bet today they are better men who can cook, clean after themselves and even help out with the baby. But the equal opportunity is bigger than what any convention or law can achieve. She knew the value of education and ensured I lived to study to the highest level ...kofia nami keyat tan atillen keyad....(Until you graduate and wear the gown dont think of marriage) I am speaking from a point of knowledge, I am not just a crusader against #FGM all I have been doing personally is to #Breakingthesilence.  There is a lot of myth and misconceptions around of FGM. Has the law stopped #FGM? or has it made the practice go under as per the UNICEF report we have a 41% increase on cases of #FGM.

One step at a time we can together walk out of the woods. You are considered dirty, you are ostracized and literally no one will even consider marrying you. As I spoke to most mothers this is the fear, no one wants to be cut off from the rest of the community.  Then I ask what about the law? which law, some will ask...they dont even know the law exists.

The Anti-FGM Act of 2011 is seen as foreign or it propagates the views and opinions of outsiders. I would want to know how the Dr. Kamau came to this conclusion, I bet she only had courage to come out and state things are they are while many will bury their heads and wish it away. It is a feeling of the masses, why is there a law to stop our culture? It is question many ask but in whispers. Others quote the Quran and Sunnah as a basis for continuing the cut. Many say it is the practice of our forefathers and we cannot stop it now. It is not enough to have a big stick in the name of the FGM Law. We need to demystify  the law and break it down for the common person in the rural villages to understand and that way it will deter the practice. Currently the law exists up there.....and even the current discussions on the petition filed by Dr. Kamau will not be known to mothers and the cutters in the villages. Are we missing the point here? They will continue to mutilate for as long as we have cut them off too, they are seen as criminals and hard to engage with them. I will wait until when the law is domesticated beyond the English language of the act, beyond the relation to all the conventions on discrimination against women. To when every woman and every girl has a voice and a choice and the Law will be by her side to protect her. They can stand up for themselves and speak up about the issues that affect them include beading, early marriage and FGM.

Until then I will not tire but continue to #Breakingthesilence on #FGM. I have been cut myself and I speak for myself and many more women like me. I have a scar but it does not define me, I am not a victim and I dont want to play a victim. I have a voice and I want you to hear me out please dont condemn me for its only me who knows the pain I go through. Each woman has a different experience with #FGM, I still dont have the courage to watch the cut on film or in real live. I was cut and I went to high school and off to the University. I graduated with a Law Degree and went back home to #Breakthesilence on early marriage, beading and FGM among other many things I do. In 15yrs I have been out in the bush literally, I have had to unlearn what I learnt in law school. Learn new laws which are based on traditional laws and Islamic Shariah. Sit with the elders whose courts are under the tree where not a single woman was allowed and it took us 12 years ago. Today in 152 villages 60% of those who sit under those trees are women. It is something I was told is literally impossible. Then I came carrying a ball, I wanted the girls to play football. I was told it will break virginity and it is something that will never happen not in my home #Marsabit. Again it takes patience and courage to step out of your comfort zone. One step at a time one girl at a time, we are #BreakingtheSilence on FGM, Early marriage and beading through football. 2008 is just like 10 years ago and today 1,645 girls #KickitlikeaGirl. They even play a better football but the goals we set out to achieve have we achieved? My answer would be yes we have broken the silence on FGM but we have not yet stopped it completely. Girls are still being cut in #Marsabit. In some communities they are even cut on the wedding day and she could be an adult but alone she is voiceless. What we have is a module that teaches life skills and goes beyond one part of a woman's body and looks at the goals the girls can set in life including going to high school and university. Along the way we felt boys were not part of the conversation, they will stand on the windows of the classrooms as the girls learnt the effects of FGM, early marriage and beading. They will follow the girls as they kicked the ball to #Breaktheseilence on FGM....you will hear little giggles ohhh they dont even know how to play....then the game changer of boys and girls being engaged together. Only then have we seen brothers standing standing up for their sisters and fathers being engaged in the conversation. It cannot just be a girl/woman talk. If I came carrying a banner I would not have been allowed into the villages but one step at a time you win hearts and the minds of the people back home. It is possible but I as I said earlier it is not a short race, it is not a quick fix. It is long term, we need to engage differently and until and unless there is a dialogue in every home in every village then the monster will come back to haunt us.

We need to get out of our comfort zones and walk the talk. Let us not just make noise and end it here but make noise and follow through with some concrete steps. I had a chat with each of my staff on this issue as we were planning for 2018 and reflecting on 2017, will they cut their girls? It is a commitment we have to make each year, it is a conversation that we need to have in a space safe enough to talk about what is a taboo. This is an everyday conversation, will the girls in their families be cut? How do we protect the next generation? This are critical questions we need to ask ourselves. I have one daughter and I will not CUT her because she was #BornPerfect. Until next time join me in #Breakingthesilence on #FGM #HODI. Let us have a real conversation on why and why not and each day winning one mother over will save not just one girl but the future generation.

#Shoot2ScoreNot2Kill

It is not every day you get a call from one of the young people you worked with almost a decade ago. It was around 12 noon and I was on another call and there was a call coming through but I was not able to pick. Then I called back immediately I was done but there was no answer and as I put down the phone saw it ringing again and I answered. The voice sounded familiar but I could not place a name on it...10 years is a long time. Now almost a year I have not had the courage to go back to my writing and every time I sit down to do it, the memories of my dad come flying into my tiny head.........holding me back from pouring my heart out......the only way I know how.....today something special happened and I got back my grip.

I still remember like it was yesterday as we took the truck (Lorry) to go and play in Badasa (out of town) His team had not qualified for another final and this will be the 1st big trophy if they won. So the excitement and singing on top of a truck and every time you had to bend as the trees slapped your face. Not scared by the bullets fired from the bush along the road around the bank quarters ...I think taken over by the joy of just playing football. But on this day the guns were silent as we were thrown up and down on a dusty road holding on for dear life to the venue of the finals. We lacked the luxury of a team bus and our was a truck, ohh did I say there were no seat belts because there were no seats in the first place and you had to balance on the grills that crisscrossed on the truck top. Swinging and literally dancing to a song that was just in your head while the laughter melted hearts. 

A goat or 2 inside ready for slaughter and a gesture of a sacrifice for a good tournament coming to an end and blessing for no bloodshed only sweat. This was the essence of #Shoot2ScoreNot2Kill having one tribe play against another, instead of shooting with the gun to kill each other we shoot it out through a game of football. Our only revenge is through a game of football, where there is no red no yellow card and instead of punishing violence we rewarded peaceful acts on and off the field. No blood was shed only sweat. The elders were present to witness this big day and in the end we all celebrated and sung together. But just before the awards, I was so shaken and was overcome by emotions...I still recall one elder shouting from my side....you have done what men will not dare do and now you are crying............those words pierced through my heart...this was a daring mission quickly I wiped my tears......

In the evening, just sharing jokes and stories from our time together and many more fun moments. I was so scared to leave the boys alone and spend at one of the elder’s home. A big sister does not leave the brothers alone in the bush and we spent night all of us together under the stars with the giggles and little laughter. We had comedians bigger than many on Churchill Show but that is a story for another day....... but we also had a captain called Dunde was also a coach and the team brought together Kenya1 and Kenya2 with the local communities and those working in Marsabit from other parts of Kenya. In the team they were brothers a lesson for many Kenyans today, they had no sponsors being in the bush so you all contributed to buy uniforms for the team, sacrificed to be on time for practice and despite all the hurdles nothing will take away the smiles, the joy and laughter brought about by #football

All the big teams knocked out in this tournament and those left were the unlikely one. It was like Leicester in 2016 it was a surprise no one expected and this was our own premier league and his team was the Leicester of 2016 winning against all odds. The game was cut short by a fight that broke out between the teams, a disputed goal led to a walk out by one team. Then we had to do something that is not in normal football a third half where we sat down with the teams to negotiate and dialogue. Later that day it was a great win and as the awards were being handed out it was hard to hold back tears. Knowing how far we have come as a communities, in the teams we had all the tribes in Marsabit represented. Yes we fought but we solved our fights amicably through dialogue. This was a special game that was featured in a film called #SoldiersOfPeace narrated by #Michael Douglas. (Here is the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCPyyFeawe0 )

Today, the call that came through is from one of the boys on the team that day. He was inspired by #Shoot2ScoreNot2Kill and joining the forces went on to study for a Bachelors Degree. All this is not just a coincidence; the stars were aligned to make his dream a reality. He did his research on #HODI work, everyday he followed me on social media and read every step of our journey and literally defended his thesis based on a conviction that it is possible to coexist. He is Gabra I am Borana and he calls me adha Fatu! (Big Sister) but just like me he is mixed in his own way and has faced the wrath of tribalism first hand but instead of shooting to kill he choose a different path #Shoot2ScoreNot2Kill.  In the recent past the Police Officers are described in negative way! I Call him the Soldier of Peace, he carry's a gun but will not shoot to kill .......Join me in congratulating the Wailers Boy Mr. Dokata Katelo. #Wailers FC #HODI

A tribute to Local PeaceBuilders

At times the aching heart never stops neither do the tears stop flowing; but as left my home to go to Paretz the place felt like home with rivers flowing, the beautiful lake and the walk to the academy not forgetting the hospitality of the entire village.

I will share my journey as me; I was just another teary bubble.  Eight months ago I lost my dad and on that day I felt half of my heart died with him. It has been tough since, there was need to go deeper than community peace and somehow my path to inner peace was already set. I am from two fighting communities, you can feel the hatred even as we share the common space but my dad and mum married and had me a child of mixed blood; the same blood flows in my veins without fighting, why do we fight in the 1^st place.

I allowed myself to be vulnerable and to let out all the pain; I reflected on my personal journey to peace and how at times I walk away from my own initiatives and let it die as other people scrambled for it. It was hard for me to speak up as my little voice murmured within me, instead of talking to the team I will talk to my inner self. Just day one I realised I cannot afford to be silent anymore but there was need to broaden my horizon.  The issue of resilience was raised and I was not sure if I was but somehow I always find the strength to bounce back even in the weakest of moments.

A chance to have a reflection on my Organisation; It has been 13 years since I left college and went back home to start HODI. Always doing something and not having enough time to STOP and reflect, this was the chance for me to re-look at my organisation. The focus has been how do we bridge the gap and increase our impact. Reach more people without opening offices all over the place. There was lots of sharing in the room from other local PeaceBuilders like me, but just then I felt there was lots to hear, lots we can share and learn from each other. What will be my pick from a researcher on peace?.........lots which we slide under without knowing. Next day was making the connections as civil society then we had to wrap up and leave for Berlin.

As we looked at each other in the eyes without saying a word tears started flowing just knowing what the space meant to us and the heart begging to be given another chance to just connect with the local PeaceBuilders. Amid the safe space I found a child in me, who wanted to ride a bicycle and as I almost fell each time but each moment was rejuvenating. Trying to hold myself together and just being strong when inside me I felt empty. Somehow I needed the space to be away from home a space safe enough for me to curl up and cry. But I cried no more being nominated for the Global PeaceBuilders Summit was a humbling experience. 

I was able to reach deep into my aching heart, STOP to reflect on my journey as me. I had a chance to sing and beat the drums; a chance to just laugh my heart out; a chance to go on a boat with the lovely team who are now my sisters and brothers. The space was so small, the connections so intimate and sincere, each one of us left with peace in the heart. There were moments of getting to kick some ball, some amazing moments of crawling and just chatting away the connections. To the dreamers of this dream, thank you for the gift of peace in my heart. Thank you for the one on one connection, I will take each of you with me in my heart, your peace journey will be my journey and your crisis will be my crisis. You held my hands when I was down; wiped away my tears as it just flowed. Gave me courage as I felt alone, I take back your strength with me.  

As we all left Paretz the home of peace to Berlin it was a different level meeting with the Political leaders in Parliament and the Ministry of Foreign affairs. Again  thank you for creating the safe space for us to link at personal, emotional and intellectual level. The common and mutual learning continues and already we are connecting the small dots as local PeaceBuilders. Now that we are all safely home one thing is very clear Our Purpose as Local PeaceBuilders Together for Global Peace.

On this day of Peace, this is a special tribute to the 30 local PeaceBuilders who met in Paretz. To the dreamers of this dream the Peace Counts programs under Culture Counts and the wonderful insights from the entire organising team. It would not have been the same if it was in a city but my heart goes out to Paretz the Home of Peace. 

Unsung-heroine-quest-to-replace-bullet-with-football

I am humbled by the 13 years of my work and despite the challenges, making it this far as HODI!

http://www.nation.co.ke/lifestyle/DN2/Unsung-heroine-quest-to-replace-bullet-with-football/957860-3338770-5kftd7z/index.html

Football a game for men to many but you made it my game; again I was just a girl.

The past six months have not been an easy one and for anyone who has gone through a loss you can bear me witness. It is exactly six months today and I have been doing bits and pieces of my journey with you in my life and how you have nurtured me to be just ME!

Born in Moyale and went to school in Moyale Primary, and as fate will have it you came to Marsabit Boys which you always described as very cold and chilly. I remember the stories you shared of how mist covered the entire town and buffalo's grazed in the school compound.  Only few from Moyale were in Marsabit Boys and the traders from Moyale will pick you up with your colleagues for a flight back home. Returning to Marsabit after pursuing a course in teaching again fate brought you back to Marsabit and here you met mum and married on 20th Oct 1977 blessed with 5 children.

I came into your life on 21st August 1978 as a first born; you celebrated my birth even though I was just a girl....you called me Honey...which was a special name and how much I meant to you. You held my hands and walked with me each day telling me how great I was and at times even after screaming at me, you always reassured me you meant well. A bold step you took and you were always Baba Honey and Mama Honey but I was just a girl! The roles at home were distributed equally and never did I feel I was doing all the work; cooking, cleaning the dishes; washing cloths we all did. I was never treated differently from my brothers again I was just a girl!

Taking my hand and walking with you each day and by night we never missed a game even if it was in middle of the night. In the 1990 World Cup we watched as Cameroon crashed Argentina the defending champions 1-0; then they took on Romania, Soviet Union and then Colombia 2-1 with Roger Milla scoring 2 goals at extra time. Our hopes were dimmed by England as they eliminated the Indomitable Lions 3-2 at extra time. Football a game for men to many but you made it my game; again I was just a girl.

The Katongo Brothers were your next favorites after Roger Miller; The Chipolopolo (Bullets) in the rebirth of a team that was rebuilt after the plane crash killing all the players....this are not stories a dad will share with a girl but you did baba......It is still very fresh  how the President of Zambia Kenneth Kaunda was involved in football and the team named KK11. Then the moment when they lifted the title against Ivory Coast, dedicating it to the Zambian Team that perished in the plane crash. You never missed a game; be it Africa Cup of Nations; Euro Cup; World Cup but you shared all these moments with us all even though I was just a girl.

You set a new path in my life and the DREAM you nurtured has seen me travel the world. As I set out to start the organisation I faced lots of challenges but you always had my back. Football is not a thing for girls but you made my dream a reality. With football I traveled to Germany; Italy; England; Canada; Brazil; USA; South Africa; just to mention a few. Recently I was in Colombia sharing my story of football and the dream for Peace in a war torn country. A few days a go my long time dream of taking a HODI team to International became a reality; we made it Lyon France for Festival 16. Here I met 3 Zambian Brothers; A girl from Lebanon; 3 Friends from Israel and Palestine; over 65 countries present and for once I wished you were here to celebrate my little steps.

My passion for football is inborn but you nurtured it and guided me to these path; little did you know I wanted to play football as a kid but I never had a chance. When I took the ball and went to the pitch you always followed me behind.I will always spot you in the crowd cheering the team but above all looking out for a daughter you very much loved! In the beginning I felt I had disappointed you by dropping the law degree and opting for football. When a fight broke out between the teams, you always next to me just ensuring your girl is not hit.......I know you will take a BULLET for me! always telling me how scared you were for me; Most times I will travel to the places where people have been killed and will only share with you upon my return. I knew you will not let me go if you knew in advance. But each day as you interacted with the young boys and girls and what the football meant for them you gave me your blessings....I will not forget the day you said to me "I am very Proud of you Baba.....I walk with my head held high knowing you are my daughter"

On this day I draw Courage from your words and as I SHOOT TO SCORE GOALS FOR PEACE; I pray that Baba you rest in Eternal PEACE!!!