I was scared

We just got back from #Marsabit and it was crazy with black smoke literally blazing the sky. My little ones had their fair share of living for a day as our home turned into a war zone. I rushed out that day and I came back home to the screams of my babies. Why did you go out? People run away from trouble but you run to trouble, but why? I had no answers and I felt I needed to be more responsible next time. Then Tuesday came and found us in Nairobi I had to promise not to go outside for they feared something will happen to mummy. I could not answer the questions of my 2 little ones. Will there be teargas? Will there be gun shots? As young as they are at only 3 and 5 yrs this are not the questions for kids but adults. Not sure what lay ahead. And I took courage to say NO guns n NO teargas as they went off to school. When asked..... how will you stop them... and my answer was shaky.. .... we shall pray baby. 

Then off they went.....They could smell the fear in me and how tight I held them as they left home for school. Then at around lunch time texts came through ‘come and pick your kids from school’. I had the worst fear as a mum what if something happened before I got to them? Then we were back home but the fear and anxiety did not stop.

On my part I tried to sit at my desk and get some work done. But the anxiety took the better part of me. I was scared why lie. I was scared if something went wrong and part of me wanted to look the other way and wish it all ended peacefully. I kept on walking to the TV screen n back to my desk. In some moments just talking to myself. God help Kenya cross this bridge peacefully. Then people started streaming into Uhuru Park and there were no confrontations. The crowd started surging and pushing each other and I will look away and back at it again. Deep inside my heart there was a relief combined with fear. Is this a trap & will the crowd provoke? Will the police provoke? Will we as Kenya have the courage to walk this path without any bloodshed? As far I knew Uhuru Park was a no go zone but here now it is filled with people from all walks of life. There was a change of heart somewhere and it caught me by surprise, at times we may underestimate the little things but this one was a major move.  

Then suddenly the TV screen went blank and a message we are trying to fix it. I knew something was wrong but could not place a finger on it. Then KTN broke the news of other stations being off air! My heart started racing, asking the question why? I was worried for the sons and daughters who were out at Uhuru Park. But more worried for the men and women in uniform coz for them too it’s an order.

I was able to follow the live stream and did not want to miss a moment. As the swearing in happened my thoughts were in the aftermath. Then people walked home peacefully with just a little scuffle on Tom Mboya quoting what was reported. The day ended peacefully and I felt this is a huge step for Kenya as a country. Many expected a day of doom but no we have matured democratically as a country to give space for people to express their views. Men and women in uniform stood guard and hurt no one at uhuru park. We took time off to go for our routine walk-run, I was sprinting all the fears out and punching with screams of all the fears I had bottled up. We got home with sweaty backs and tired feet but very clear head and heart. I did not want to watch the news again with all the lawyers arguing the legality and illegality of  what happened on Tuesday. As the sun was setting I was wearing a different hat and all I wanted to hear was how do we bridge this gap. How do we reach out and hold each others hand? So many questions needs to be answered but it is all in my head because it is so hard to have a honest conversation with myself and expect the rest of Kenyan follows suit.  

We are literally tearing each other apart on the social media some cheering and others jeering. Looking for all the differences we have as a people instead of looking for what brings us together. What we need to ponder next is now to extend the olive branch and seal the divide. We just have one Kenya you are my brother and I am your sister. It may seem hard and impossible now but time will heal all the wounds.

I was Born Perfect

Its hard to look away and hope that #FGM will not be a topic of discussion on literally every TV station and radio station. The outcry on social media is immense, how I wish this is an everyday agenda and everyday talk. What is very Kenyan is we literally run short races with issues and soon we will run out of breath. Then we will be falling on the roadside and forgetting we even ever talk about it. The issue will be packed until next time when there is another big story on #FGM. I wish we can run the full race, how I wish we can  run a marathon as we are know with our Kenyan runners.

Dr. Kamau who petitioned against the FGM law is now literally being torn apart and every one is mad at her. 26 years of practice as a medical doctor and only this week she felt it right to come out in the open. We need to dig deeper, why now and what made her think in this manner. Instead of listening to her we are out-rightly condemning her. Not that I am being a devils advocate here but part of me feels like getting into her head to find out her reasons.

Now back home where I come from #Marsabit #FGM is happening day and night. The rest of Northern Kenya it is literally an every day practice. A friend told me some political leaders even fund the cut. Before you start screaming at me for saying it as it is please hear me out. It is a taboo to even talk about FGM until recently, we call it Qaban Qaba...which translates (Holding down or pinning down) You are literally held down by a strong woman and I bet that is where the name came from in my community. It is sacred and not a discussion you can have openly, to date many feel uncomfortable with the mention of the cut. When It happened to me I was held down by my own mum, I have nothing against my ayyo. I love her to the moon and back. She did what she thought was the best for her daughter like many other mother's in Marsabit. She removed a part of me that was considered dirty and will make me a woman will loose morals if I grew up with it. I sat down with Ayyo and the conversation we had was not why she did it to me but to understand her point of view and this is what informed my campaign on #BreakingtheSilence on FGM, early marriage and Beading. My mum has never gone to a school and many will consider her illiterate but she is the most knowledgeable person. She raised me and my other siblings with tough love there was no room for mistakes. One commits a mistake then all are punished....that's a story for another day. Why I mentioned my mum here is because of how I was raised not as a girl but an equal with my brother. All chores were shared equally including cooking, cleaning, washing cloths and utensils. We had shifts and it is here I learnt there is no difference between me and my brothers. I bet today they are better men who can cook, clean after themselves and even help out with the baby. But the equal opportunity is bigger than what any convention or law can achieve. She knew the value of education and ensured I lived to study to the highest level ...kofia nami keyat tan atillen keyad....(Until you graduate and wear the gown dont think of marriage) I am speaking from a point of knowledge, I am not just a crusader against #FGM all I have been doing personally is to #Breakingthesilence.  There is a lot of myth and misconceptions around of FGM. Has the law stopped #FGM? or has it made the practice go under as per the UNICEF report we have a 41% increase on cases of #FGM.

One step at a time we can together walk out of the woods. You are considered dirty, you are ostracized and literally no one will even consider marrying you. As I spoke to most mothers this is the fear, no one wants to be cut off from the rest of the community.  Then I ask what about the law? which law, some will ask...they dont even know the law exists.

The Anti-FGM Act of 2011 is seen as foreign or it propagates the views and opinions of outsiders. I would want to know how the Dr. Kamau came to this conclusion, I bet she only had courage to come out and state things are they are while many will bury their heads and wish it away. It is a feeling of the masses, why is there a law to stop our culture? It is question many ask but in whispers. Others quote the Quran and Sunnah as a basis for continuing the cut. Many say it is the practice of our forefathers and we cannot stop it now. It is not enough to have a big stick in the name of the FGM Law. We need to demystify  the law and break it down for the common person in the rural villages to understand and that way it will deter the practice. Currently the law exists up there.....and even the current discussions on the petition filed by Dr. Kamau will not be known to mothers and the cutters in the villages. Are we missing the point here? They will continue to mutilate for as long as we have cut them off too, they are seen as criminals and hard to engage with them. I will wait until when the law is domesticated beyond the English language of the act, beyond the relation to all the conventions on discrimination against women. To when every woman and every girl has a voice and a choice and the Law will be by her side to protect her. They can stand up for themselves and speak up about the issues that affect them include beading, early marriage and FGM.

Until then I will not tire but continue to #Breakingthesilence on #FGM. I have been cut myself and I speak for myself and many more women like me. I have a scar but it does not define me, I am not a victim and I dont want to play a victim. I have a voice and I want you to hear me out please dont condemn me for its only me who knows the pain I go through. Each woman has a different experience with #FGM, I still dont have the courage to watch the cut on film or in real live. I was cut and I went to high school and off to the University. I graduated with a Law Degree and went back home to #Breakthesilence on early marriage, beading and FGM among other many things I do. In 15yrs I have been out in the bush literally, I have had to unlearn what I learnt in law school. Learn new laws which are based on traditional laws and Islamic Shariah. Sit with the elders whose courts are under the tree where not a single woman was allowed and it took us 12 years ago. Today in 152 villages 60% of those who sit under those trees are women. It is something I was told is literally impossible. Then I came carrying a ball, I wanted the girls to play football. I was told it will break virginity and it is something that will never happen not in my home #Marsabit. Again it takes patience and courage to step out of your comfort zone. One step at a time one girl at a time, we are #BreakingtheSilence on FGM, Early marriage and beading through football. 2008 is just like 10 years ago and today 1,645 girls #KickitlikeaGirl. They even play a better football but the goals we set out to achieve have we achieved? My answer would be yes we have broken the silence on FGM but we have not yet stopped it completely. Girls are still being cut in #Marsabit. In some communities they are even cut on the wedding day and she could be an adult but alone she is voiceless. What we have is a module that teaches life skills and goes beyond one part of a woman's body and looks at the goals the girls can set in life including going to high school and university. Along the way we felt boys were not part of the conversation, they will stand on the windows of the classrooms as the girls learnt the effects of FGM, early marriage and beading. They will follow the girls as they kicked the ball to #Breaktheseilence on FGM....you will hear little giggles ohhh they dont even know how to play....then the game changer of boys and girls being engaged together. Only then have we seen brothers standing standing up for their sisters and fathers being engaged in the conversation. It cannot just be a girl/woman talk. If I came carrying a banner I would not have been allowed into the villages but one step at a time you win hearts and the minds of the people back home. It is possible but I as I said earlier it is not a short race, it is not a quick fix. It is long term, we need to engage differently and until and unless there is a dialogue in every home in every village then the monster will come back to haunt us.

We need to get out of our comfort zones and walk the talk. Let us not just make noise and end it here but make noise and follow through with some concrete steps. I had a chat with each of my staff on this issue as we were planning for 2018 and reflecting on 2017, will they cut their girls? It is a commitment we have to make each year, it is a conversation that we need to have in a space safe enough to talk about what is a taboo. This is an everyday conversation, will the girls in their families be cut? How do we protect the next generation? This are critical questions we need to ask ourselves. I have one daughter and I will not CUT her because she was #BornPerfect. Until next time join me in #Breakingthesilence on #FGM #HODI. Let us have a real conversation on why and why not and each day winning one mother over will save not just one girl but the future generation.