Thursday 18 January 2018

I was Born Perfect

Its hard to look away and hope that #FGM will not be a topic of discussion on literally every TV station and radio station. The outcry on social media is immense, how I wish this is an everyday agenda and everyday talk. What is very Kenyan is we literally run short races with issues and soon we will run out of breath. Then we will be falling on the roadside and forgetting we even ever talk about it. The issue will be packed until next time when there is another big story on #FGM. I wish we can run the full race, how I wish we can  run a marathon as we are know with our Kenyan runners.

Dr. Kamau who petitioned against the FGM law is now literally being torn apart and every one is mad at her. 26 years of practice as a medical doctor and only this week she felt it right to come out in the open. We need to dig deeper, why now and what made her think in this manner. Instead of listening to her we are out-rightly condemning her. Not that I am being a devils advocate here but part of me feels like getting into her head to find out her reasons.

Now back home where I come from #Marsabit #FGM is happening day and night. The rest of Northern Kenya it is literally an every day practice. A friend told me some political leaders even fund the cut. Before you start screaming at me for saying it as it is please hear me out. It is a taboo to even talk about FGM until recently, we call it Qaban Qaba...which translates (Holding down or pinning down) You are literally held down by a strong woman and I bet that is where the name came from in my community. It is sacred and not a discussion you can have openly, to date many feel uncomfortable with the mention of the cut. When It happened to me I was held down by my own mum, I have nothing against my ayyo. I love her to the moon and back. She did what she thought was the best for her daughter like many other mother's in Marsabit. She removed a part of me that was considered dirty and will make me a woman will loose morals if I grew up with it. I sat down with Ayyo and the conversation we had was not why she did it to me but to understand her point of view and this is what informed my campaign on #BreakingtheSilence on FGM, early marriage and Beading. My mum has never gone to a school and many will consider her illiterate but she is the most knowledgeable person. She raised me and my other siblings with tough love there was no room for mistakes. One commits a mistake then all are punished....that's a story for another day. Why I mentioned my mum here is because of how I was raised not as a girl but an equal with my brother. All chores were shared equally including cooking, cleaning, washing cloths and utensils. We had shifts and it is here I learnt there is no difference between me and my brothers. I bet today they are better men who can cook, clean after themselves and even help out with the baby. But the equal opportunity is bigger than what any convention or law can achieve. She knew the value of education and ensured I lived to study to the highest level ...kofia nami keyat tan atillen keyad....(Until you graduate and wear the gown dont think of marriage) I am speaking from a point of knowledge, I am not just a crusader against #FGM all I have been doing personally is to #Breakingthesilence.  There is a lot of myth and misconceptions around of FGM. Has the law stopped #FGM? or has it made the practice go under as per the UNICEF report we have a 41% increase on cases of #FGM.

One step at a time we can together walk out of the woods. You are considered dirty, you are ostracized and literally no one will even consider marrying you. As I spoke to most mothers this is the fear, no one wants to be cut off from the rest of the community.  Then I ask what about the law? which law, some will ask...they dont even know the law exists.

The Anti-FGM Act of 2011 is seen as foreign or it propagates the views and opinions of outsiders. I would want to know how the Dr. Kamau came to this conclusion, I bet she only had courage to come out and state things are they are while many will bury their heads and wish it away. It is a feeling of the masses, why is there a law to stop our culture? It is question many ask but in whispers. Others quote the Quran and Sunnah as a basis for continuing the cut. Many say it is the practice of our forefathers and we cannot stop it now. It is not enough to have a big stick in the name of the FGM Law. We need to demystify  the law and break it down for the common person in the rural villages to understand and that way it will deter the practice. Currently the law exists up there.....and even the current discussions on the petition filed by Dr. Kamau will not be known to mothers and the cutters in the villages. Are we missing the point here? They will continue to mutilate for as long as we have cut them off too, they are seen as criminals and hard to engage with them. I will wait until when the law is domesticated beyond the English language of the act, beyond the relation to all the conventions on discrimination against women. To when every woman and every girl has a voice and a choice and the Law will be by her side to protect her. They can stand up for themselves and speak up about the issues that affect them include beading, early marriage and FGM.

Until then I will not tire but continue to #Breakingthesilence on #FGM. I have been cut myself and I speak for myself and many more women like me. I have a scar but it does not define me, I am not a victim and I dont want to play a victim. I have a voice and I want you to hear me out please dont condemn me for its only me who knows the pain I go through. Each woman has a different experience with #FGM, I still dont have the courage to watch the cut on film or in real live. I was cut and I went to high school and off to the University. I graduated with a Law Degree and went back home to #Breakthesilence on early marriage, beading and FGM among other many things I do. In 15yrs I have been out in the bush literally, I have had to unlearn what I learnt in law school. Learn new laws which are based on traditional laws and Islamic Shariah. Sit with the elders whose courts are under the tree where not a single woman was allowed and it took us 12 years ago. Today in 152 villages 60% of those who sit under those trees are women. It is something I was told is literally impossible. Then I came carrying a ball, I wanted the girls to play football. I was told it will break virginity and it is something that will never happen not in my home #Marsabit. Again it takes patience and courage to step out of your comfort zone. One step at a time one girl at a time, we are #BreakingtheSilence on FGM, Early marriage and beading through football. 2008 is just like 10 years ago and today 1,645 girls #KickitlikeaGirl. They even play a better football but the goals we set out to achieve have we achieved? My answer would be yes we have broken the silence on FGM but we have not yet stopped it completely. Girls are still being cut in #Marsabit. In some communities they are even cut on the wedding day and she could be an adult but alone she is voiceless. What we have is a module that teaches life skills and goes beyond one part of a woman's body and looks at the goals the girls can set in life including going to high school and university. Along the way we felt boys were not part of the conversation, they will stand on the windows of the classrooms as the girls learnt the effects of FGM, early marriage and beading. They will follow the girls as they kicked the ball to #Breaktheseilence on FGM....you will hear little giggles ohhh they dont even know how to play....then the game changer of boys and girls being engaged together. Only then have we seen brothers standing standing up for their sisters and fathers being engaged in the conversation. It cannot just be a girl/woman talk. If I came carrying a banner I would not have been allowed into the villages but one step at a time you win hearts and the minds of the people back home. It is possible but I as I said earlier it is not a short race, it is not a quick fix. It is long term, we need to engage differently and until and unless there is a dialogue in every home in every village then the monster will come back to haunt us.

We need to get out of our comfort zones and walk the talk. Let us not just make noise and end it here but make noise and follow through with some concrete steps. I had a chat with each of my staff on this issue as we were planning for 2018 and reflecting on 2017, will they cut their girls? It is a commitment we have to make each year, it is a conversation that we need to have in a space safe enough to talk about what is a taboo. This is an everyday conversation, will the girls in their families be cut? How do we protect the next generation? This are critical questions we need to ask ourselves. I have one daughter and I will not CUT her because she was #BornPerfect. Until next time join me in #Breakingthesilence on #FGM #HODI. Let us have a real conversation on why and why not and each day winning one mother over will save not just one girl but the future generation.

1 comment:

  1. Fantastic Fatuma. Speak out...and loudly. Born Perfect...born whole as anyone's "god" would have us. I appreciate you so much...I know this takes tremendous courage...I can only share your message...and I will.

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