I was scared

We just got back from #Marsabit and it was crazy with black smoke literally blazing the sky. My little ones had their fair share of living for a day as our home turned into a war zone. I rushed out that day and I came back home to the screams of my babies. Why did you go out? People run away from trouble but you run to trouble, but why? I had no answers and I felt I needed to be more responsible next time. Then Tuesday came and found us in Nairobi I had to promise not to go outside for they feared something will happen to mummy. I could not answer the questions of my 2 little ones. Will there be teargas? Will there be gun shots? As young as they are at only 3 and 5 yrs this are not the questions for kids but adults. Not sure what lay ahead. And I took courage to say NO guns n NO teargas as they went off to school. When asked..... how will you stop them... and my answer was shaky.. .... we shall pray baby. 

Then off they went.....They could smell the fear in me and how tight I held them as they left home for school. Then at around lunch time texts came through ‘come and pick your kids from school’. I had the worst fear as a mum what if something happened before I got to them? Then we were back home but the fear and anxiety did not stop.

On my part I tried to sit at my desk and get some work done. But the anxiety took the better part of me. I was scared why lie. I was scared if something went wrong and part of me wanted to look the other way and wish it all ended peacefully. I kept on walking to the TV screen n back to my desk. In some moments just talking to myself. God help Kenya cross this bridge peacefully. Then people started streaming into Uhuru Park and there were no confrontations. The crowd started surging and pushing each other and I will look away and back at it again. Deep inside my heart there was a relief combined with fear. Is this a trap & will the crowd provoke? Will the police provoke? Will we as Kenya have the courage to walk this path without any bloodshed? As far I knew Uhuru Park was a no go zone but here now it is filled with people from all walks of life. There was a change of heart somewhere and it caught me by surprise, at times we may underestimate the little things but this one was a major move.  

Then suddenly the TV screen went blank and a message we are trying to fix it. I knew something was wrong but could not place a finger on it. Then KTN broke the news of other stations being off air! My heart started racing, asking the question why? I was worried for the sons and daughters who were out at Uhuru Park. But more worried for the men and women in uniform coz for them too it’s an order.

I was able to follow the live stream and did not want to miss a moment. As the swearing in happened my thoughts were in the aftermath. Then people walked home peacefully with just a little scuffle on Tom Mboya quoting what was reported. The day ended peacefully and I felt this is a huge step for Kenya as a country. Many expected a day of doom but no we have matured democratically as a country to give space for people to express their views. Men and women in uniform stood guard and hurt no one at uhuru park. We took time off to go for our routine walk-run, I was sprinting all the fears out and punching with screams of all the fears I had bottled up. We got home with sweaty backs and tired feet but very clear head and heart. I did not want to watch the news again with all the lawyers arguing the legality and illegality of  what happened on Tuesday. As the sun was setting I was wearing a different hat and all I wanted to hear was how do we bridge this gap. How do we reach out and hold each others hand? So many questions needs to be answered but it is all in my head because it is so hard to have a honest conversation with myself and expect the rest of Kenyan follows suit.  

We are literally tearing each other apart on the social media some cheering and others jeering. Looking for all the differences we have as a people instead of looking for what brings us together. What we need to ponder next is now to extend the olive branch and seal the divide. We just have one Kenya you are my brother and I am your sister. It may seem hard and impossible now but time will heal all the wounds.